Pillow Talk

© Cory Thoman

For a long time, my black eye was having all the fun. It was spying life. It was enjoying daily musings. And meanwhile, my neck was killing me!

I could not find the right pillow.

The backstory –

I used to have the perfect pillow. I’d had it for years. It was flattened, filled with lumpy-bumpy unnatural fiber. A mere shadow of the perkier, fluffier and newer pillow next to it on my bed.

Every morning I would camouflage it with shams and decorative day pillows, so no one knew my secret. My kids used to tease me that I was sleeping on a pillow case because my pillow was flat as a pancake. Fine. I laughed along with them. Hardy har har. But I slept like a baby every night.

And then I moved.

As I settled in to my new ManHAttan-proper nest, unpacking and arranging towels and bed linens, I knew that Pancake would be in the next box. Or the next one. Until I’d unpacked all the boxes and discovered that Pancake wasn’t there. Pancake wasn’t anywhere.

Car keys, sunglasses. Exit stage left.

The hunt –

At Bed, Bath & Beyond I found the Contour Dream Pillow by Homedics. A popular, ergonomically correct brand critically approved by pillow judges everywhere, I bought it, bagged it and took it home. It wasn’t working for me. The memory foam didn’t quite remember how to mold itself to the length of my neck or how close to my mattress I like my head to be. And it wasn’t soft and mushy like I was used to.

After a week, I was done. Then, one afternoon putzing around IKEA I spied the less costly 365+ FAST. It had the same hilly design as the Contour, seemed softer, and at less than half the price I figured I could try it and not break the bank. No stellar reviews were posted on eye-catching signage, but it touted itself as a side/back sleeper pillow. Cool. Score. Nope. The next few mornings, my side and my back hurt in addition to my neck. Great.

Structurally these brands are sound options for many people. Just not for me. I missed Pancake. I tried putting a bath towel in my pillow case. It felt okay and better than the other pillows, but it still wasn’t the right size or shape. It wasn’t Pancake.

A few days later, I returned to BB&B and bought the cheapest pillow with sparse, artificial filling and returned home feeling very clever. I had a plan.

The plan –

During the workday, New Pancake would be underneath three stacks of books. When I was home at night and stretched out on the living room rug, New Pancake would be underneath me. It worked. New Pancake was starting to flatten after only two weeks.

It is now week three. Day III of week three. This morning I woke up and smiled. Spying Mr. Sun all bright and fresh and shiny, I felt the very same way. Hello, New Pancake.